We are at Metroville tonight. Mallam Hassan and Mr. Cele are here earliest. We typically wait for Mallam Hassan to join us much later, and even today he didn't particularly come earlier than his usual time. Yet his arrival preceded Eddie and Tokunbo’s. (Because I like free food, I almost always arrive first.) While we are waiting for the quorum to form we try to catch up on the latest happenings in the...
Eddie called me. He wants to know how to navigate Twitter and its complicated interface. I ask him what's new, and why he suddenly wants to be active on a platform he once called “the idle people's app.” He asks me if I'm aware of his love for women. I tell him that even the devil is aware of his weakness for femininity. He says that he's getting somewhere. I ask him to go on. He...
The rest of the gang called last night to check up on me. In case you didn't already know, I've just taken up the mantle of servitude to the motherland, which means I would be spending the next couple of weeks in camp, dressed up like an excited kid in pre-school, taking orders from soldiers who don't particularly like us. I was rounding up reports at the OBS studio when the video call came in from...
Tokunbo always says the same thing. That she cannot be with a man who is heavy on social media use. Eddie always insists that only women with crooked ways have anything to fear about social media. Tokunbo would say social media is one big bedroom. Eddie would counter that any woman who hasn't seen more boxers than Muhammed Ali has nothing to worry about in a bedroom. On Friday, while I was getting...
We have spent most of tonight driving around the Abuja metropolis. Mallam Hassan is feeling a little out of his skin tonight and musters us to try somewhere other than the Metroville lounge. When he’s in this sort of mood, we can tell he’s ready to splurge on our excesses. It’s always a good time. Eddie clandestinely suggests to me that Mallam has just closed a deal on one of his properties at...
It's our first hangout of the year and I'm still stewing from the hangover of Detty December. Tokunbo is looking all brand new, like she made an extra effort to shimmer into the new year. She's wearing a new look, spotting a low-cut dyed white. Eddie asks her if she's a lesbian now. Tokunbo warns him that she doesn't have his negative energy this year. Mr. Cele and Mallam Hassan don't change much. Mr....
Did you know that Kate Winslet (the lady Leonardo DiCaprio spent the last minutes of Titanic dying for) keeps her Oscar award in the bathroom of her guestroom? Weird shey? Even scandalous. But she has a giant bathroom mirror, and her guests get to hold the revered plague, stand in front of the mirror, and pretend to give an Oscar acceptance speech. I didn’t know about this. Tokunbo mentioned it last...
We are discussing furniture and home pieces. Tokunbo says she's a sucker for Victorian-styled home decors. Eddie tells her to cut her taste according to her pocket. Tokunbo takes offence and informs Eddie that she can afford whatever type of decor she wants and all she needs to do is to call one of the men on her contacts. A knowing smile creases across Mallam Hassan’s face. Eddie clears his throat...