The menu at Metroville has been reviewed. There are more seafood options now and the prices of everything else have gone up by a few extra digits. This development precipitates our conversations tonight. Eddie has a story about an experience with a friend in an African restaurant in Dubai many years ago. (Expensive food prices will always be hilarious to me, lol.) He says one time he was in Dubai with a...
Eddie called me. He wants to know how to navigate Twitter and its complicated interface. I ask him what's new, and why he suddenly wants to be active on a platform he once called “the idle people's app.” He asks me if I'm aware of his love for women. I tell him that even the devil is aware of his weakness for femininity. He says that he's getting somewhere. I ask him to go on. He...
The rest of the gang called last night to check up on me. In case you didn't already know, I've just taken up the mantle of servitude to the motherland, which means I would be spending the next couple of weeks in camp, dressed up like an excited kid in pre-school, taking orders from soldiers who don't particularly like us. I was rounding up reports at the OBS studio when the video call came in from...
Tokunbo always says the same thing. That she cannot be with a man who is heavy on social media use. Eddie always insists that only women with crooked ways have anything to fear about social media. Tokunbo would say social media is one big bedroom. Eddie would counter that any woman who hasn't seen more boxers than Muhammed Ali has nothing to worry about in a bedroom. On Friday, while I was getting...
We have spent most of tonight driving around the Abuja metropolis. Mallam Hassan is feeling a little out of his skin tonight and musters us to try somewhere other than the Metroville lounge. When he’s in this sort of mood, we can tell he’s ready to splurge on our excesses. It’s always a good time. Eddie clandestinely suggests to me that Mallam has just closed a deal on one of his properties at...
Mr. Tobi runs every morning. If you have him on your Instagram, and you have the misfortune of being awake as early as 5 A.M., you will see him on his Instagram story slicing through the cozy Jabi morning air during his daily morning runs. If you live in Lagos where you need to wake up early enough to beat the traffic, then you better switch his notification on so his stories can serve as your...
It's our first hangout of the year and I'm still stewing from the hangover of Detty December. Tokunbo is looking all brand new, like she made an extra effort to shimmer into the new year. She's wearing a new look, spotting a low-cut dyed white. Eddie asks her if she's a lesbian now. Tokunbo warns him that she doesn't have his negative energy this year. Mr. Cele and Mallam Hassan don't change much. Mr....