METROVILLE: For Sparkling Bathrooms

Did you know that Kate Winslet (the lady Leonardo DiCaprio spent the last minutes of Titanic dying for) keeps her Oscar award in the bathroom of her guestroom? Weird shey? Even scandalous. But she has a giant bathroom mirror, and her guests get to hold the revered plague, stand in front of the mirror, and pretend to give an Oscar acceptance speech.

I didn’t know about this. Tokunbo mentioned it last night while we were lounging at Metroville.

She says she can’t wait to win an award for the best actress and do the same. Mr. Cele asks her when she became an actress. Eddie informs us that Tokunbo is a woman of many ambitions but little talent. Tokunbo retorts that Eddie is a man of many vocations but so little money. Eddie asks Tokunbo if she has seen the Benz he parked at the parking lot. Tokunbo says she can get a better Benz if she wants. That she only needs to make a phone call. I clear my throat.

Anyway, speaking of bathrooms, how important are bathroom designs to you? If you’re building or buying your own home, what designs or functionality would you want your bathroom to possess? I posed this question after Tokunbo told us about Kate Winslet’s bathroom story. 

Tokunbo says that she typically prefers a bathroom that gives her a spa-like experience. I ask her to shed more light on that. She says her ideal bathroom design has to have a heated towel rail, a rail-head shower, and good lighting that creates a relaxing ambiance for her especially after she’s had a busy day. 

Eddie tells her that she should just visit a spa if she wants to use a spa. Tokunbo asks him to mind his business. He asks her if she wants her bathroom design to come with a pre-installed man with strong arms who can serve as a masseuse in the “spa” she’s trying to install in her home. She tells him that she already has men in her life who serve that function.

Tokunbo also states that her bathroom has to be marbled with sparkling white tiles and have a large mirror installed in it, just in case she and her girlfriends want to take bathroom selfies. Mr. Cele asks what that means. I explain to him that it means taking pictures of your reflections in the bathroom. He’s befuddled, and asks if modern bathrooms now come with a photo studio functionality. 

Mallam Hassan jokes that Tokunbo may as well ask for a cooking-gas cylinder to be installed in her bathroom since it appears like she wants her bathroom to have multiple functions at the same time. SMH what do these old men know.

Eddie says he typically prefers an intimate bathroom that has a bathtub. He says when he has women over that he spends more time in the bathroom than anywhere else. I ask him why he spends that amount of time bathing, and if he’s trying to scrub the sins of his forefathers away from himself. He says I don’t know anything, and asks if I don’t know that certain bedroom activities are better performed in the bathroom. 

You should have seen the shock on Mr. Cele’s face. That’s typically my highlight of our time together, how easily he gets scandalized by Tokunbo and Eddie.

Mallam Hassan says functionality is more important to him though, and says that he looks out for fixtures that are not just stylish but durable enough to last through many years in an environment as moisture-rich as a bathroom. He also explains how the right bathroom fixtures could make for a good investment. He says durable and stylish bathrooms could give your home a great resale value if you ever intend on selling it in the future.

Mr. Cele says he doesn’t care very much about bathroom designs and that he only wants bathroom fixtures that his kids cannot break.

As for me, when I get to that point where I have to make these choices, I’ll just make it a combination of all these fantastic tastes mentioned here tonight. What about you though? Let’s hear what you’d love your bathroom to look like.

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